i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
