he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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