I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
