she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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