Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
