umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
