WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
