do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
