we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize