Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize