Define "chronic" masturbator.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
