Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
