No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize