I wanna bring you to show and tell
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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