I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize