I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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