i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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