Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
