And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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