right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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