508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
