giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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