Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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