sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
