my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
