where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
