Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
false alarm. still invincible.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
