Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You pole danced in your parka.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
