I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
