how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
