I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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