i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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