i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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