Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize