You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he puts the penis in happiness.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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