i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize