Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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