I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
