to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
