too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
