Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize