Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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