ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
