is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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