you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
