I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
