omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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