I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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