Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
