Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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