I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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