why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
