there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
