I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
