I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
