I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize