You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
