i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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