I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm just crazy horny about you
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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