So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
