i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
