We're like a lot better than the average bears
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
