who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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