Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
