I wish I could teleport
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
