I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
