Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation

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(+61): View more from Australia

Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.

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(217): View more from Illinois

You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out

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(757): View more from Virginia

Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot

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(214): View more from Texas

you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.

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(315): View more from New York

I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.

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(703): View more from Virginia

But we have bathrooms and they dont

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