party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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