I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
