Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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